Attending one wedding after another is no easy feat. Especially when they are friends who are my age. And so, why have I been doing for the past years? I absolutely have no idea. Seems like I'm still stucked at ground zero.


Went for my secondary school's friend wedding last night. I always get emotional when the couple says their vows. It especially touching and I'm so glad that they have found one another. It takes a lot of love and effort to be at where they are now. Almost gotten soft hearted last night. Somehow the drive home is the hardest. Thank god for all the reminders which were playing in my head.


Read through my last post and I still feel the same. The anger has subsided but the disappointment is always there. I pity myself. Why is the guy whom I was with is so passive? A guy who does not take the first step. This just shows that he is not the right one for me. Took me years to realise this point. Perhaps I was lying to myself all these time. I always have the idea that maybe he will become better after he graduate from his studies. Which he has dropped out again. My heart sank a little when he told me about it. That his father has stopped funding his studies and he has to start working. And so he had my full support to start the valet business. Yes, I really support him with all my heart. Cross my heart and this is the truth. I work in the day, whereas, he work in the night. We still meet up. He has to work during public holidays, fine, so I stayed with my kids.


One thing I wonder if he really does appreciate me. If he really sees that I'm trying to get this relationship to work. A relationship does not just concern two parties. I've been mingling with his family all these years and the only interaction he had with mine was this Chinese New Year. This shows something. He doesn't care. Why have I do all these? For what?


I can't help but to feel sorry for myself. For being in a relationship with a guy who only thinks about himself. One who can't step out of his comfort zone to do something simple yet want to do something quite far-fetched like migrating to Australia.


I can pretty much imagine if we were still together and talking about marriage plans. He would most probably ask me if I want to get married and if I say yes, he would bring me to the jewellery shop and ask me to shop for my own ring. Just in case I don't like the ring.


Crap. I really feel sorry for myself. When everyone is advancing to the next stage of their life and I realise that I'm nowhere near. At all.